3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
