My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
