Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
