I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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