You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is wine microwaveable?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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