K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish you could order shots online.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize