just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
