I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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