I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
