Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
