I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize