If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
