woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
