Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize