so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
