Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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