I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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