just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
