The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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