She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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