u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
