It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
