Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
