Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
