Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I AM VODKA MAN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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