dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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