So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
