he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
