I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
