Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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