My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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