the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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