were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
