You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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