When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize