I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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