I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
