People with herpes should wear stickers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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