tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
