Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
