it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think a kid would responsible me up
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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