i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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