Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
