i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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