theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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