Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
