Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize