Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
