Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
