i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Damn victory sex feels great
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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