I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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