yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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