my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
