My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
