The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
