Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Panties = found
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
