woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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