why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
