Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
