if i died would you start the facebook group?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
