i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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