I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ugly people sure do ruin things
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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