the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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