Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This girl is more easily done than said...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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