Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
