I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
