When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize
