you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
