census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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