That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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