the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
