i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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